Meat Truck

Porterhouse, Hebrew National, and Sir Loin of Reubenshire joined Bacon Strip in Chicago Friday night. Next time we’ll take pictures before the cocktails…

Above: Farm fresh eggs audition for the next season of Finland’s Got Talent.

The Spam Van was spotted during a rare visit to the mainland Thursday afternoon. The Honolulu-based potted meat mobile is in L.A. this week while talks of a North Shore partnership with Giovanni’s Shrimp Truck continue back home.

Photo courtesy of Meat Truck correspondent Ryan C.

Craving a juicy cheese burger but trying to watch your weight? Have a hankering for a full English Breakfast but short on time? Too lazy to open up the beef jerky package and chew? Drink your troubles away… with Meat Water!

Meat Water’s new ‘wet hot morning menu’ is a bacon-focused, 4-flavor treat for all ages. Serve warm, for added “dining out” taste or cold, for the comfort of home cooked leftovers. Either way, you win a protein-packed punch of flavor in every bottle!

Simpson is taking heat for wearing a pro-meat t-shirt in public this weekend in support of Meat Truck’s recent web launch. “Jessica has been a long time fan of the Truck, it’s message, and wears this shirt with pride” said Simpson’s PR manager, “It wasn’t publicly reported, but during the ‘chicken of the sea’ incident a few years back, Meat Truck really offered a lot of moral support to the star.”

Tender layers of meatloaf surrounded by decorative mashed potato ‘frosting’?  Smells like dinner!

Click on either picture for a photo gallery full of meatcakes for every occasion.

When it comes to butchers’ body art, is a forearm tattoo of cuts of pork an homage to the other white meat… or is it considered cheating?

Straight from the fridge, the Meat Weave keeps you cool all summer long. No more need to blow-dry, just pile it on and go!

Meat-hive (Style 44) shown above.

Wait for the sizzle…

Saint Anthony - the Patron Saint of Bacon - is said to come with a prayer to “assist with the enjoyment of quality bacon.” As if that’s even necessary. That would be like a praying a “please keep my water cold” prayer to the Patron Saint of Ice. Then again, perhaps the prayer is meant for vegetarians. The rest of us know that God has already blessed bacon with the gift of deliciousness.

It’s a bacon scarf, y’all!

The first 3.5 minutes are priceless.

Here it is, the fight of the century: Bacon vs Tofu

I have my favorites in this match up, but there are many variables that could effect the outcome of this fight…

Bacon Pros:

1. Height/Reach advantage
2. Trim build - energy is more easily conserved.
3. Big mitts - very heavy handed.
4. High fat content - great for absorbing punishment, although his cut is thin which could be a factor.

Bacon Cons:

1. Long torso - provides a lot of surface area for body blows, could effect stamina.
2. High center of gravity - look for Tofu to shoot in for take-downs.
3. Thin body - internal organs protected by just a thin layer of bacon. Tofu’s strikes have potential to cause serious internal damage.
4. Cardiovascular conditioning won’t be top level due to high fat diet. Conditioning may be an issue.

Tofu Pros:

1. Healthy diet - High protein and low fat diets will provide for a lean and strong Tofu, which can pay dividends in the late rounds.
2. Low center of gravity - Tofu will not be an easy take-down.
3. Old-timey mustache and monocle - this would indicate Tofu typically has something up his sleeve. Tofu could turn out to be a crafty veteran. Tofu was fined in 1928 for use of dynamite and a railway car.
4. Thick/short body mass - Tofu’s body is designed to take blows. Bacon will have to execute precision striking.

Tofu Cons:

1. Limited defenses - Tofu cannot physically reach to protect every area of his body. It is also unlikely he is able to reach his own hands together, therefore most submissions and opponent clinch control maneuvers will be impossible.
2. Vision - Monocles cannot structurally be secured to the face without the aid of the muscles surrounding the eye. If Tofu loses focus, he could drop the monocle and sacrifice vision loss in his right eye. Look for Bacon to pepper that eye with strikes.
3. Density - Tofu is thick and heavy. Although he is likely in great condition, he will expend more energy than particularly coming up off the ground.
4. Limited offenses - Striking and kicking will be limited weapons at his size. Look for Tofu to work the ground game and utilize his strength.

This fight really could go either way. Bacon needs to rely on his reach, keep quick feet going and pin point those heavy hands. Bacon wants to keep out of the ground game with Tofu, as take downs would be an easy solution to the reach. Bacon has to throw laser guided bombs and work that right eye of Tofu, but he’s got to look out for the crafty veteran in that situation, Tofu could get desperate. If Bacon can keep the fight on its feet, look for a later round knock out.

Tofu wants to press the pace and close the distance on Bacon. Once Bacon’s heart rate starts to rise, he’s in trouble. If Tofu can weather those heavy hands and work his strength inside for a take down, look for Tofu for a submission in the 2nd or 3rd round, but he’s got to close the gap. Defense and vision are an issue for Tofu, he cannot win standing toe to toe.