Meat Truck

When Jimmy Dean dies, we will call for Meat Truckers around the world to petition to make him St. James Dean, the Patron Saint of Breakfast Meats.

As a Meat Truck Co-Founder, I have a certain responsibility to be a role model for the other officers and junior Meat Truckers. This responsibility is part of the reason the decision to go green with my upcoming home renovation project is so important. Rather than install a traditional hardwood floor in my living room, I’ve decided to go with a local Chicago renewable resource: sausage.

A team of butchers is working hard to create a custom designed floor for yours truly and here’s a sneak peek of the floor design team hard at work:

When you eat too much salt, do you get sausage fingers?

Raumschiff Enterprise aus Wurst
(shrugs) Germans dude. Germans.

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I’ll run 26 miles without any training for the shot at some free Bacon.

And now you can have him all to yourself… if you know how to crochet, that is.

Note the removable writer’s strike beard. It’s so Coco.

Click here to purchase the crochet pattern from super great Conan fan CraftyisCool.

“So we consulted with pediatricians and began to experiment with drying and grinding bacon into a fine powder, then applying a patent-pending process to concentrate this powder into the most essential nutrients and ingredients for brain development. This potential infant superfood was then added to a test subject’s infant formula.

The results were absolutely impressive. By the age of 4 months, our test subject started to exhibit some amazing abilities including walking and talking. By 6 months of age, she could read and memorize her early stage children’s books and showed an extreme level of coordination and balance – so much so that she was enrolled in gymnastics and ballet with children 5 years older than she was! At two years old, she read her first 300 page book, memorized the Declaration of Independence and (this is absolutely true) began composing her first symphony.”

Bacon Baby

I dare you to be as awesome.

My First Bacon(tm) is a ThinkGeek exclusive plush toy that will delight your little ones. Even if they’re not on solid foods yet, your progeny shouldn’t be deprived of the joys of bacon. Soft and snuggly with big giant eyes, My First Bacon(tm) is both friendly and reliable, just like actual bacon.

Squeeze him and he says, “I’m Bacon!”. No matter what the situation, he says, “I’m Bacon!” This reminds children that no matter what happens in life, they should be true to themselves and always be proud of who they are. Which of course, means bacon lovers. What child on this planet wouldn’t want to befriend a piece of mostly meat held together with fat and love? And don’t just think about the kids, adults enjoy My First Bacon just as much as the kids do. Sometimes a little too much.
Product Specifications

• Huggable plush bacon for kids and kids at heart 8 and older
• Says “I’m bacon!” when you squeeze him
• Mechanical animated mouth
• Velveteen pork flesh and super soft fleece fat
• Teach your kids to love bacon, not pigs
• Please do not eat My First Bacon(tm).
• Requires 3 x AA Batteries (not included)
• Dimensions: 19″ tall by 7″ wide

All kinds of awesome. Buy them here.